Motherhood & Words
I don’t usually spend much time reflecting on the past year as I switch over the calendar. I don’t make resolutions. Last night was the first time in years that I even stayed up until midnight. But even though I did stay up, I was kind of a Scrooge about it. We were watching the Times Square hoopla on TV, and well, I just didn’t get it. I still don’t get it. My sister assured me that I wasn’t always that much of a party pooper. And that must be true, mustn’t it? I used to be fun, didn’t I? But I’m a total party pooper these days; my main concern is getting enough sleep.
2009 was a challenging year, but even as I write that—think it—I know that along with the challenges there was plenty of joy, plenty of laughter in our house. And I love my girls. Zoë is a nut, a stubborn, funny little girl who is talking more and more and who, even though she often pinches Stella and pulls her hair, adores her sister: “Where Dtella? Where Dtella go?” And Stella, my big Stella, is so mature one moment as she tells her younger cousin that what he is about to do isn’t safe. The next moment, she is so much still a little kid as she catapults herself from the bed or whines because the way I looked at her “hurt her feelings.”
2009 also brought a few acceptances and publications with which I’m very pleased, an editorial position I love at the wonderful Literary Mama, serious movement on both of my books. 2009 brought a new job for D. But still, I’m ready for 2010. I’m ready for a new year. And I’d love to be positive today, to embrace all of the hopefulness and possibility of the coming months. But instead of brimming with hope and good cheer, I’ve been crabby all day. It could have something to do with being stuck inside a cabin with bickering kids (my nephew and my own darlings) and the sub-zero weather that makes staying outside for more than a few minutes impossible. It could have to do with the work hanging over my head, the work I wish I could put aside for the week, but that I can’t because I’ve already put it aside too long.
But I don’t want to be crabby on the first day of the new year. It feels like pooping on a clean plate (not that I’ve ever done this, mind you). So I’m ready to shake myself out of it. I’m ready to embrace the chaos. I’m ready to BE POSITIVE!
May you all have a happy and hopeful year full of desires realized and lots of time for writing and reading.
Kate — I hate it when I feel one way, but I'm "supposed" to feel another way. Sometimes it helps to just let yourself feel that way.
Your cabin sounds cool, but it must be tight quarters if you can't get out.
I didn't realize you were writing two books — what is your other one about?
It was great to hear about your girls.
Hope you have a good weekend!
kate, sometimes it is just a day, like any other, but sounds like you want to make better of it.
it's ok to be human, especially when consistently sleep deprived. (says a pro)
I'm ready, too, and boy was I ever crabby yesterday. Let's move on forward into 2010 and call 2009 thankfully, over!
i'm crabby today too! cause i'm sick mostly! but also probably cause i think i'm supposed to feel ready to fly into the great wide and brand new open (that i'm not sure really exists). but i'm open. open to new. and ready to move forward. wishing you the best, too, kate!
Hi Kate, I've just started blogging my own Mummy Blog and have been checking out other like minded blogs – and have stumbled here to yours. Love your honest approach to life and motherhood. How I wish more people could keep it real! Yay You!!
Happy New Year! Why pressure yourself to *not* be crabby if you need to be crabby? It doesn't mean a thing–it is not a reflection of your approach to life, or the coming year,or anything-you know?
I say, "embrace your inner crab!"
🙂
Dear Kate,
I am sorry you are not feeling up to it. In this day, I, for one, would like to remind you how grateful I am for 'our' wonderful class. Thank you. May 2010 bring the advance class, if it is possible….but, I think we are allowed to wish aren't we?
Pooping on a clean plate! Now that's funny! Even when you're grumpy! 😉
I think you're fabulous. Thanks for writing.
Thank you, all. I've been practicing letting myself feel the way I feel–which I shouldn't have to remind myself to do–and it helps! Thank you!
To 2010!
happy new year kate. i'm ready for a fresh start and big dreams for 2010.
xo
meredith